my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize