so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
