idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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