How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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