is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
