Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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