my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
