Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
