Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
