My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
