so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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