Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
