Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
