The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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