Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
