Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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