i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
