piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
