It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need a beard to bite.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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