Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
NoShamevember. You game?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
