Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
