Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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