It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
