mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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