The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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