just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
