Do you still have your period?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
