I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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