If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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