you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
