Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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