You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
