i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
