Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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