I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
