Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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