He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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