everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
