I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
