why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
