We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
