He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
