textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize