Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
