I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
