So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
