it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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