so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The ass gains better be worth it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
