Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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