the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
