Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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