they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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