I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
