I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
