It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
