would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
