Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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