Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
