But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
