Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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