Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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