Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
