yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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