The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My feet surprised me
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