Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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