do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
