Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Alive.
So much puke
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
