I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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