I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
where are you?
Hypothermia
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
