i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
