Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
