Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
