It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
