she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Randomize
