Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
