u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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