Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
